Half and Half
by Death2Deadlines
Summary: Hitsugaya hasn't been feeling well lately and can't even dispatch a simple Gillian without having to go into bankai. Problems emerge from his past, before he met Hinamori, and the rest of Seireitei can't help but misunderstand him. Pairings undecided.
1. Unusual Scenario

Well… this is my first Bleach fanfic, and I had this sort of idea stuck in my head ever since I had this dream, and I just decided to write, or type, it down before I forgot it. And the main character of this fanfic is… (drum roll)… Hitsugaya Toushirou! Yay! Another one! Sorry to all people out there who are sick of these, but he's my favorite character from Bleach so bleh. And ya. Reviews, flames, criticism, everything's welcome. Pairings undecided. Sorry for any OOCness.

DISCLAIMER: Bleach= property of Tite Kubo, need I say more?

***

"Hitsugaya-taichou!"

A young boy with white spiky hair looked up from a pile of paper work and glanced at the doorway, seeing an orange haired woman running toward him excitedly. He almost immediately looked back at his work, cursing under his breathe.

"Hitsugaya-taichou!" the woman repeated.

The boy tried to ignore the voice echoing in the office room. The lady walked up to the desk he was sitting at and stood there for a moment, expecting him to notice her at any moment. When she was convinced there would be no reply she took in a deep breathe.

"HITSUGAYA-TAICHOU!" the lady slammed her hands on the table, shaking a green cup full of tea precariously over the edge of the desk. The boy snatched it and set back on the table before it fell.

"What?!" he snapped irritably. What was it this time? Needed money? Sake? A vacation? For god sakes, he's the one that needs a vacation… The little captain shook his head and sighed.

"Awww… taichou, I didn't even do anything yet and you're already mad at me," the woman pouted playfully, flash stepping behind him and wrapping her arms around the taichou's neck.

"Yet?" the captain raised an eyebrow, "Matsumoto, just spit it out, what do you need this time? I'm warning you though; our division's budget is shrinking thanks to you."

Matsumoto puffed her cheeks up childishly, "Jeez, I'm not always here for money you know!"

The captain broke free from Matsumoto's death grip of love and turned around, "Then what do you need?"

"Sou-taichou wants you to go and get rid of a couple of menos around the 1st district of Rukongai," Matsumoto tossed her hair over her shoulder and crossed her arms, expecting for an apology.

Hitsugaya nodded and turned back to his work, "Okay then, thank you for telling me."

Matsumoto stood there and waited. Hitsugaya went back to his work, occasionally looking back to see if she left yet. She was still standing there, arms crossed and tapping her foot.

"Do you need anything else?" the captain inquired.

"Well I was just thinking it's only fair that you apologize since you yelled at me for no reason…" Matsumoto tried to act sheepish and shy. It didn't fit her character to do that at all.

Hitsugaya hesitated for a moment. Matsumoto gave him a puppy eyed look and he finally gave in.

"Okay, sorry for yelling at you," the white haired boy mumbled and turned back to his papers.

"Hm? I couldn't hear yooooouuuuu," Matsumoto replied in a sing song voice.

"Sorry for yelling at you," he said slightly louder.

"Still can't hear yooooooouuuu," Matsumoto repeated in a louder tone.

"I SAID I'M SORRY!" Hitsugaya snapped, twisting around in his chair to face Matsumoto, with an expression that was clearly showing he was pissed off at the moment.

Matsumoto giggled, "Okay, now I can hear you~!"

The young captain scowled and turned back to his paperwork and started scribbling a couple of characters on it.

Matsumoto looked over his shoulder and put her index finger on her chin, "Well I guess it wouldn't hurt to give me a little compensation money to make up for—"

"NO!" Hitsugaya didn't even let her finish her sentence.

Matsumoto just grinned and seemed to prance and skip at the same time while heading out of the office. The captain took out a file and flipped through a couple of papers.

"I guess I'll bring a couple of these guys, they've started to get lazy during missions…"

***

Blurs of brown and beige passed by in a flurry as figures dressed in black kimonos whizzed through the streets of Rukongai. One figure stood out, wearing a white hakama with the Japanese character for ten printed on the back.

"Hey look, it's the shinigami," one voice could be heard.

"Now what would the high and mighty shinigami from Seireitei need to do in this oh so dirty little town?" Another voice mocked. A couple other voices snickered.

The white-haired boy ignored the comments and proceeded forward with his little group from the tenth division. If he remembered right the location was a couple of miles from here…

He started to feel a sense of nostalgia, remembering this was where he and Hinamori had grown up as kids. This place hadn't changed the much either. He looked around at the familiar buildings and alley ways. Dirty as usual. Nauseating as usual. Even though its condition was nothing near comfortable, there was still that "home" air to it, which was enough for him. He wondered if the little hut where they lived was still intact.

After the thought, an ear-splitting scream echoed throughout the town. It sounded like the scratching on a black board and a car screeching to a stop at the same time. The young boy looked up and saw a group of menos coming out of a tear in the sky. There were a couple dozen, but they were only Gillians. What was the point of sending a captain here?

Hitsugaya just shook it off and unsheathed his zanpakutou. Orders were orders he assured himself. It was probably just a little miscalculation on sou-taichou's part.

"I'll take the dozen on the right and you guys take the rest," the captain ordered at the group of shinigami. They nodded and charged toward the menos.

Most of them were having quite an amount of difficulty fighting against the menos. For some of them it was just their first time seeing a menos. Hitsugaya sighed. He'd probably have to get Matsumoto to give them a lecture on the hollowfication process… On second thought maybe that isn't such a good idea. They'd probably all end up drunk by the end of the session. After all, Matsumoto tends to turn everything into a sake party.

A glint of amusement entered the captain's eye at the thought as he brought his zanpakutou down on the hollow absent-mindedly. There was a slight clanging noise, signifying that his zanpakutou had come in contact with the menos, but suddenly, he felt a counter force and his weapon was pushed back. He backed off and to his surprise, the katana only left a small scratch. He looked bewilderedly at his sword. What's going on? He used to be able to easily dispatch a Gillian with one swing… He tried once more, concentrating on the hollows, but this time it left a small gash.

He jumped out of the way nimbly as the menos aimed a couple of ceros at him. He took refuge behind a tree temporarily. He inspected his sword, looking at it from a couple of angles. There didn't seem to be any problem with it. Maybe his skills were starting to get rusty? He hadn't fought in a while, but not so long that he would become this weak.

Still pondering his mind of what might be wrong, he barely missed getting hit by another cero that whizzed by. He jumped back, taken off guard, to find most of his group injured and still a ton a menos left. He lifted up his katana and sighed. He mentally scolded himself for having to do this with only a few puny little Gillians, but there was probably no other choice anyway.

"Bankai," he muttered under his breath.

A gust of wind surrounded the captain and dispersed, revealing the white haired boy to be covered with a shining armor of ice, with a pair of wings and a tail connecting on his back. A frosty air surrounded him as the armor gleamed in the sunlight.

"Set upon the frozen heavens, Hyourinmaru," Hitsugaya grabbed his katana and swung in the direction of the group of menos.

A large dragon of ice flowed out of the tip of his katana and towards the menos, red eyes gleaming and icy jaws wide open. It didn't even take five seconds. In a single moment, the group of menos stood deathly still, encased in a glittering sheet of ice, unfazed by the blazing sun.

The group from the 10th division gaped at the sight of the frozen statues. Shinigami, who previously had a large amount of self confidence in themselves, found their self esteem falling back down and plopping back at the bottom of the well with the rest of others that had seen the sight.

Hitsugaya lifted up his zanpakutou, and gave one last thrust. The ice statues shattered into a million pieces and chips of ice floated for a moment, and fell to the ground. He released his bankai and returned to his normal form.

Hitsugaya sighed and walked in front of the crowd, "Let's go back now…"

The crowd of shinigami nodded robotically and did as told with a newfound respect for the captain.

"You guys go back before me, I'll check up on a few things first," Hitsugaya ordered.

"Why?" one shinigami's voice came from the crowd.

"Shh!" another one covered the shinigami's mouth, "Taichou grew up here remember? Of course he'd want to look around!"

The other shinigami nodded frantically in understanding and everyone left the scene.

The place hadn't change at all. Evergreen trees, much taller than the short little taichou, loomed over the shrubs and undergrowth below. He remembered when he felt just like that undergrowth. Tiny. Helpless. Insignificant. Unnoticeable. He could think of a million words to relate with those tiny shrubs. But what about know? Was he not the captain of the 10th Division of Seireitei? Didn't everyone call him a child prodigy 24/7? Yeah, he is a captain, and known as a child prodigy, but there was still a feeling of helplessness, lodged somewhere deep inside the depths of his unwavering pride. As if the road he was walking was chosen for him.

The young captain went into the town and walked around a bit, looking at old buildings and places Hinamori and he used to hang out. He remembered eating watermelons with Hinamori while watching the sun set. God were those watermelons good. After a while the sun had started to set and he decided that it was about time to go back. He started to reflect on the events of today and unknowingly, started talking to himself.

"Jeez this is pathetic, having to use bankai for these sort of things… I'll probably go see Unohana-taichou after I get ba—" the young captain stopped abruptly and covered his mouth with his hand. He leaned onto a nearby tree and suddenly started coughing violently. There was a burning in his through and a searing pain throughout his body. He felt as if his heart had suddenly started to beat at an irregular pattern and was starting to feel a fatigue he would only feel after a captain level battle.

"What… what the hell?!" he looked down on his hand to see blood that he had coughed up on it. The pain started to fade, but it left him feeling sick, like he was about to puke. The chirping of cicadas could be heard and the sky was gradually turning dark, only a tiny little ray of light escaping from the horizon.

Hitsugaya wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and started running back to Seireitei hastily, "God this is troublesome…"

***

Matsumoto lied sprawled on the couch at the 10th squad's office with a little drool dangling off the rim of her mouth. She was hanging over the edge of couch until the cushions gave away and she fell onto the wooden floor with a loud thump.

"Owww…" Matsumoto rubbed the back of her head and yawned,

"Taichoooouuuuu~ can you do the rest of the paperwor— " Matsumoto crawled back up the couch with much difficulty and peeked over the top to see her captain wasn't there.

"Taichou?" Matsumoto dangled her arms off the edge of the couch, "Mmm… guess he already left…"

She stood up and wobbled out of the door in a very drunk manner, forgetting to turn off the lights.

***

By the time the white haired boy had got back to Seireitei it was already nightfall.

"Great, the fourth squad's probably already asleep…" he jumped onto the roof of the buildings and started running back to the 10th squad barracks. He started to feel another cough attack start up in his throat and he covered his mouth instinctively.

He quickened his pace and when he reached the barracks he was looking around frantically for a some kind of sink or faucet. A nearby bathroom caught his eye and he rushed toward it. He started coughing violently once more into the sink, his body jerking with every cough. The red liquid seeped down slowly into the drain.

***

Matsumoto strolled down the hallway of the 10th squad, yawning. Then a white flash caught her eye and she walked towards it curiously, revealing her captain looking at his surroundings like some lost mouse.

"What's taichou doing up so late?" Matsumoto was about to go up and greet him when he suddenly dashed into a room. The orange haired woman raised and eyebrow and followed, even more curious than before.

***

After his little coughing session ended, the young captain turned on the faucet and started washing away the red that coated the bottom of the sink.

"Am I gonna end up like Ukitake-taichou already? I'm not that old… maybe he put something in that candy…" Hitsugaya mumbled to himself bitterly, trying to find an explanation for this scenario. This time, the pain wasn't leaving his body. He leaned heavily on the side of the sink as he noticed something sitting on the counter in front of the mirror. There was a little golden tube with a stick of pink poking out of the top of it, obviously not something made in the spirit world.

"I keep telling them to stop getting all this crap from the real world…" Hitsugaya picked up the golden tube and turned around to throw it in the garbage, but when he turned he saw his vice captain standing in the doorway. He froze in his tracks. She was staring at him wide eyed.

"Taichou, what are you doing in the girl's bathroom?"


	2. Misunderstandings

Yay! 3 reviews!!! I'm so happy ^^! Thank you so much!! Phew, I'm finally posting chapter 2 XD. Sorry, I'm a slow updater, and I got lozza other writing projects going on and junk and yea (not just on fanfiction, but you know, school junk)… well yea, either way, here's chapter 2!!

DISCLAIMER: Bleach= not property of me

***

"Taichou, what are you doing in the girl's bathroom?"

She saw her captain freeze. He turned his head toward her and stood there like a deer caught in the headlights. Matsumoto noticed her taichou rub something red off his mouth and he dashed out of the room, dropping something in the process.

"Ah! Taichou!" Matsumoto tried to stop him, but he was already long gone.

She tilted her head. What was her captain doing in the girl's bathroom? He didn't seem like he was the type of person that would mistaken the girl's bathroom for the guy's bathroom…

The orange-haired fukutaichou noticed something on the ground. She picked it up, recognizing the object almost immediately.

"Ah! I finally found that tube of lipstick I lost!" Overjoyed, she pocketed the finding, but then she paused, "Hey… wait… why did taichou have my lipstick?"

Then she remembered something red taichou rubbed off of his mouth.

"Don't tell me taichou was…"

***

The young white haired captain cursed under his breath. How could he get so careless?! Now he'd embarrassed himself in front of his fukutaichou, and HER of all people! She could spread rumors like a wildfire. While thinking of all the types of misunderstandings that could sprout from this, he was almost at his destination. When he reached his barracks he ran into his room and slammed the door behind him. He leaned on the back of the door, breathing heavily.

"Shit shit shit shit shit shit," Hitsugaya ran his hand through his hair, "Today is not my day…"

***

A young boy sat in an alleyway, hugging his knees. People passed by as the rain drenched his snow-white hair, laying it flat. His blue-green eyes were dull, and his skin was pale as he emotionlessly watched the people passing by with their colorful umbrellas, laughing, talking, and mostly unlike him, enjoying themselves.

He hugged his knees closer and buried his face in his muddy yukata. It was cold, unbearably cold. He was at the point of shivering violently and his lips started to turn a light shade of blue, but then, the rain that was piercing his skin like frozen needles, suddenly stopped.

He looked up to see a girl, around the same age as him, facing him, and tipping her umbrella over his head, shielding him from the rain, but he could not see her face. It was as if it was censored out of a movie. He could see the rest of her fine, but her face only was a blur. All he could notice was that her hair seemed to glow gold and shine even through this blinding rain.

"Are you alone?" she asked blankly. He stared into her eyes, seeing the same dull exasperation that he was currently experiencing.

He nodded his head slowly, eyes never leaving the girl. He seemed to catch a grin on her face, but he wasn't sure. She grabbed his arm and hoisted him up, moving the umbrella in between themselves.

"Just walk as if everything was normal," she breathed.

The boy nodded, noticing the figures that were following the girl. Not knowing what he had gotten himself into, he walked with the girl, side by side, under her golden-yellow umbrella.

***

Hitsugaya's eyes fluttered and opened slowly. He turned his head sleepily. He was on the floor of his room. He stood up slowly, feeling like his bones were rusty metal. Well, that's what you get for sleeping on a freezing wooden floor.

"Mm… what time izzit…?" he rubbed his eyes and looked out the window. The sun was right above the horizon, but he couldn't tell if it was a sunset or sunrise.

He sighed and decided to go over to the office anyway. He took a quick shower, brushed his teeth, and made a quick change of robes. He opened the door and closed it behind him, and as he was walking he started to wonder about something. Did he have a dream last night? He really felt like he had one, but he couldn't remember what it was about.

He shrugged it off. He was just thankful that he wasn't having another cough attack this morning. He remembered that he was going to the 4th squad to get himself checked up, but he decided he wanted to finish the rest of his paperwork first. He was pretty sure Matsumoto didn't do any while he was away.

As he entered the office of the 10th squad, the sight was just as he expected. Huge piles of paperwork sat on his desk expectantly, and a certain fukutaichou of his was sleeping lazily on the couch.

He sighed and sat down at his desk, dipping his brush in a small container of ink and starting to write down characters absent-mindedly, left cheek resting in his palm. Why did they have a couch in here anyway? It's not like anyone who visits ever sits down there anyway… maybe Matsumoto brought it in just for sleeping purposes. Yes, that must be it.

"Mm… who izzit…?" Hitsugaya looked up to see Matsumoto's arm clamp over the top of the couch and drag herself up, her head peeking over the edge.

"Ah, Matsumoto, I— " Hitsugaya wasn't able to finish his sentence.

"H-H-HI-HI-HITSUGAYA-TAICHOU!!!" Matsumoto suddenly jumped up and backed away to the corner of a room.

The white haired captain raised an eyebrow, "Matsumoto?"

Matsumoto stood there, seemingly shaken and waved with an unusually shaped grin on her face.

"A-ano-saa... taichou… you see…" Matsumoto poked the tips of her fingertips at each other, "I know your, uh, PREFERENCES, are uh, your choice, but, the only person I ever met close enough to that would probably be Yumichika, but I still think he just has a weird sense of style instead of actually being…"

Hitsugaya cocked his head to the side, no understanding a word Matsumoto just said.

"Ahaha… well… actually… you know what, never mind! I'll just, uh, be right back!" Matsumoto laughed a fake little laugh and inched out of the doorway.

Hitsugaya stared at the door silently and slowly pointed an index finger at his cheek.

"… did I do something?"

***

Now, somewhere in the middle of the 6th division, Renji was doing his paper work, and a few blocks away from him, Rukia was sleeping in her brother's house to recover her late injuries and in the room next to Rukia, unknown to Byakuya- taichou, Ichigo was sitting contently, drinking some tea. It was as peaceful could be, until the voice of Hinamori Momo broke the silence.

"EEEEHHH??!! SHIROU-CHAN IS GAY??!!!"

Renji's brush broke and the container full of ink spilled all over his paperwork, Rukia suddenly sat up, dark circles under her eyes, and Ichigo spit out the remainder of tea that was in his mouth.

"EEEEEEHHHHH???!!!" the voices of the three shinigami could probably be heard for miles.

"Shhhh!" Matsumoto covered Hinamori's mouth with her hand, "Quiet!!"

But a red head, carrot top, and raven haired shinigami have already arrived at the scene.

"What… what did you say?" Renji stammered.

"Is Hitsugaya taichou really…" Rukia started off.

Ichigo ended her sentence, "Gay."

The four shinigami stared at Matsumoto, and finally, she sighed.

"Last night, I saw taichou in the girl's bathroom… with this." Matsumoto took out a tube of lipstick, "And he was wiping something red from his mouth."

Hinamori fell to her knees, "I-It's my fault, I-I probably didn't raise him the right way, I should have exposed him to more friendly society and let him live in a more—"

"You sound like his mother," Renji stared at Hinamori's teary-eyed form amusedly. He earned himself an elbow in the stomach.

"But… that's just an assumption, this could all just be some misunderstanding…" Rukia tried to comfort Hinamori.

"But I'm SURE I saw taichou in the bathroom with this!!" Matsumoto held out the tube of lipstick triumphantly.

"Well… maybe he was holding it… for a friend?" Rukia tried to think of a plausible reason.

Matsumoto raised an eyebrow, "Ano… no offense to taichou, but he doesn't have that many female friends," Matsumoto beamed, "Except me, of course!"

"Yea, yea, OF COURSE you're his friend, after all he has to keep YELLING at you and TELLING you to finish the paperwork, I can COMPLETELY see your friendly relationship," Renji mocked. He earned himself a punch in the face.

"Either way, we should find a way to confirm this before we jump to conclusions," Ichigo sighed as Rukia poked a bloody Renji lying on the ground with a stick.

"Fine," Matsumoto gave in, "You okay with this, Hinamori?"

Hinamori sniffled, "Y-yeah," she suddenly straightened up, a fire in her eyes, "I'll definitely prove that Shirou-chan isn't like that!"

"Isn't like what?" Upon hearing the ever so familiar voice, everyone froze.

The 5 shinigami turned their heads robotically, pupils growing and shrinking.

When their eyes lay upon a short white haired taichou, a little message popped up in their minds:

…BUFFERING…BUFFERING…BUFFERING…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

TARGET IDENTIFIED: SUPPOSEDLY GAY WHITE-HAIRED-SHORTY-TAICHOU THAT WAS CURRENTLY BEING TALKED ABOUT.

Everyone freaked.

"H-H-HI-HI-HITSUGAYA TAICHOU!!" Everyone faced him and bowed to him exaggeratedly.

"Oi, oi, what's going on, you guys never address me like that," Hitsugaya raised an eyebrow.

"Ahaha… we just realized, uh, how, um…" Matsumoto looked at the others, giving and expression saying, "HELP ME OUT HERE!"

"Uh… we just realized just how taichou-y you are!" Hinamori clapped her hands together.

Renji, Rukia, and Ichigo nodded, arms crossed.

"Ahaha! Yes, we have uh… realized, um, how high and mighty your rank is compared to ours! Yes! All hail the great 10th division taichou!" Ichigo sputtered and the 5 shinigami went on their knees and started bowing down to him chanting, "All hail the great 10th division taichou! All hail the great 10th division taichou!"

"… are you guys retarded?" Hitsugaya felt a little awkward at the sight. The people who would usually call him "Toushirou," or "Shirou-chan," were now bowing down at him.

"Oi, guys, you're attracting a crowd here!" Hitsugaya tried to get them to stand back up, "OI!!" He hissed.

"HAI, HITSUGAYA-TAICHOU!" All 5 shinigami straightened up and saluted him.

The white-haired captain slapped his forehead, "You guys… just… nevermind…"

The white-haired taichou sighed and walked back to the 10th division office. He figured his fukutaichou was plotting something idiotic again, but he REALLY didn't feel like dealing with her crazy antics at the moment.

As the white-haired taichou walked back into the office, the 5 shinigami gave a sigh of relief.

"Whew… that was a close one…" Ichigo wiped the sweat off his forehead.

"Do… do you think he suspected us?" Renji tried to stop hyperventilating.

"Of course not! Our act was flawless!" Matsumoto beamed. Hinamori and Rukia, however, thought otherwise.

"Either way, we gotta find a way to make sure that we're not mistaken…" Rukia sighed, Hinamori nodding in agreement.

"But how are we gonna find out?" Ichigo inquired.

A smirk crept across Matsumoto's face. Everyone else's eyes widened. They all knew that when Matsumoto got an idea, it wasn't a good sign.

"Don't worry, I got the PERFECT idea."

***

A/N: Whew, chapter 2 is up! While I was typing, a little voice suddenly echoed through my head saying, "Won't people who are gay be offended by this?" Then, I started worrying I would get hate messages and that kinda stuff and I don't know if I should post this or not, but I did anyway! So I'm sorry if I offended anyone!! If anyone is offended, I didn't mean it! Really! TT^TT!! So yea… I hope you liked this chapter, I kind of feel that I made Ichigo, Renji, Rukia, and Hinamori a bit OOC, but bear with it please ^^!

Oh, and someone in the reviews asked what's wrong with Hitsugaya, well, you'll find out later ^^.


	3. If You Were Gay

Thanks everyone for reviewing! I really appreciate it! And uh… nothing much else to say… erm… sorry for the late update? I had to finish all this school junk (&*%^%#&*!!!) and I also got a Man fanfic going on too (I recommend the anime/manga to anyone that hasn't seen/read it yet!) and yea… so, um… here's chapter 3? Most of the reason is probably because I was feeling lazy XD Actually it's been months since I updated now that I think about it… ehehe, well either way here chapter 3 XP

Oh, and one more thing, recently I've been told that people have gotten the impression that this was supposed to be a serious fanfic but found it more of a comedy/humor type, I just wanted to say I'm getting there ^^'', it'll get more serious in… uh… well, it'll come some time, ahahaha… and yeah…

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Bleach n yea… bleh…

***

A nameless shinigami was strolling down the road of Seireitei, happy as can be. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the sun was shining brightly, you would probably call it the closest to a perfect day as can be. There was only one thing left to do, send a message to Matsumoto- fukutaichou and the nameless shinigami can get his— or her, but probably his, well actually you can't tell what his/her gender is… let's just make it a guy— well earned rest.

Okay, so the MALE nameless shinigami was making his way to the 10th division office until he heard a large commotion near the 6th division barracks. Curious, the shinigami made his way through the maze of identical pathways and just as he was about to turn a corner, he froze and hid right behind the turn, plastering himself against the wall. He peeked at the scene. He saw Matsumoto- fukutaichou in the mass of people, but there were few others. Ah, that's the 5th division fukutaichou, and that's that girl that almost got executed, and that's the ryoka that saved her. Who was the last one…? Oh! That's the 6th division fukutaichou! Interesting eyebrows he's got there…

The nameless shinigami shook his head and focused back on the scene. He wasn't close enough to hear their conversation, but he was able to catch a few words. Something about… gay…taichou…?

Matsumoto seemed to be trying to convince the rest of the group something, then the ryoka and funky eyebrows opposed and seemed to be teaming up against her. However, the 5th division fukutaichou and the 13th division shinigami seemed to oppose both parties.

The nameless shinigami watched in awe, seeing this group of supposedly highly esteemed shinigami have some kind of argument. Wait. That's the wrong word. They were starting to yell a bit louder, oh, the girls just started hitting the guys… this would make it… domestic violence? Ooh, ouch, okay, maybe that one was a little over domestic violence. Oh, okay, maybe that one was a little worse… okay, kicking them in the man jewels is sorta— dude, this is just a brawl now!

The nameless shinigami rubbed his eyes and blinked a few times. Maybe he should just leave… wait no! He has to deliver this message to Matsumoto- fukutaichou! But he might get killed in the process… but he wants to go home… AGGH! THAT'S IT!

The nameless shinigami heroically, from his point of view, jumped into the mass of fists and tried to break up the fight. TRIED. Unfortunately, he was trampled on, kicked, punched, slapped, used as a weapon, used as a shield, used as a floor mat, and various other things in the process.

After being thoroughly… um… killed, he was finally able to give Matsumoto- fukutaichou the message.

"Aw great, they need help AGAIN?" Matsumoto sighed with exasperation.

"Okay, you know what?" Matsumoto faced the other four, "You guys can try what ever method you like, but mine is still the best, so I bet you when I get back, I'll be the one getting answers out of taichou!"

With that, Matusmoto flash stepped into the distance and was soon out of sight.

Renji scoffed, "Psh, yea right! My idea's the best"

"Hey! That idea's mine!" Ichigo snapped, glaring at Renji.

"No! I made it up first," Renji retorted.

"No, I did!" Ichigo yelled back.

"I did!"

"I did!"

"I did!"

"I did!"

"I did!"

"I did!"

"You guys BOTH made the idea!" Rukia took the the two of their glaring-like-their-going-to-kill-someone-heads and smashed them together, "So just work together!"

Rukia let go over their heads that had been forcefully smashed together into one and beamed, "However, our method is the one that's going to work, right, Hinamori- fukutaichou?"

"Y-yeah," Hinamori replied and straightened up, "I will, uh… I mean, we, will definitely prove Shirou-chan is not gay!!"

After exchanging a few glares, the two pairs parted ways to work on their "method," or whatever they were talking about, leaving behind the corpse of the nameless shinigami on display in the middle of the road.

***

It was still raining, and the large droplets of water dripped off the edge of an old shack, creating tiny rivers in the mud below.

The wood of the shack was damp and rotting, squeaking and swaying in the wind. A few holes in the ceiling were poorly patched up with old scraps of ragged clothing, still letting through small bits of water.

The inside contained little belongings. A small slightly damp futon covered with a ragged blue-gray blanket sat uncomfortably in the corner, serving as something close to a bed. A small wooden handmade table was in the middle of shack, the wood unpolished. On the table was a single half melted candlestick held up by a broken and now unusable mug, the tiny flame giving off a soft orange glow as the only source of light. There was a small wooden drawer in another corner of the room, in slightly better condition than the other belongings. On the other side of the room, there was another sliding door, probably being a closet.

The door slid open and revealed a small golden haired girl with a golden-yellow umbrella. Her kimono was rather clean, covered with various golden flower-like patterns. Amongst the dark surroundings, she was like a gleaming ray of light, but her cold expression said otherwise. She held the hand of a boy seemingly around the same age who was wearing a muddy yukata. His usually lively white hair was now wilting like flowers in the winter and dripping with rain water. His eyes were a dull shade of blue-green and gazed blankly at the almost empty room.

"Sit down," the girl motioned the boy toward a cushion next to the small wooden table. She made her way over to the drawer and took out another yukata, clean and newer than the one the boy was currently wearing.

"Change," she threw the yukata at the boy, and he caught it awkwardly. She pointed at the closet, "In there."

The boy looked down at the yukata she threw at him and back at the closet and slowly got up, walked over to the closet door, entered, and closed the door behind him.

After a few minutes, he walked back out, looking at the new outfit and shifting uncomfortably, as if not used to clean clothing. The girl glanced at him and motioned him to come and sit down. He did as told.

"Tea?" the girl was sipping from a cup that had appeared out of no where, another steaming cup in front of him that he hadn't noticed initially. His eyes gazed at the cup warily and he accepted the cup, sniffing it cautiously. He lifted the cup to his lips and took a small sip from it and set back on the table. After a few moments he picked it up again and took another sip. This continued on for quite a while, and the intervals between sips gradually became smaller.

"What's your name?" the girl inquired, taking another sip of tea.

The boy looked up and cleared his throat a bit, "Hi-Hitsugaya," he replied in a hoarse voice, as if it hadn't been used in a really long time, "Hitsugaya Toushirou."

***

In the 10th division office room, a small white fluff ball was resting on top of the 10th captain's desk contently. Nothing could be heard in the room except the inhale and exhale of breath coming from the ball of fluff. An exhale was suddenly interrupted with a sharp inhale and the white ball of fluff suddenly jerked backwards and hit the wall, letting out an 'oomph' in the process.

The white ball of fluff revealing to be just the top of 10th division captain's head, he rubbed the steaming lump that had just formed tenderly.

"Ow… jeez, what the hell?" Hitsugaya scowled and looked around the room confusedly and sighed, "Tch, I fell asleep again…"

He blinked a few times. He felt like he had a dream, but he couldn't remember what it was about… oh well. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, still feeling a bit of fatigue, "God, I'll never get any work done at this rate… and the fact that a CERTAIN fukutaichou isn't doing her share of the work isn't helping…"

He picked up his brush drowsily and dipped it in a little container of ink and started scribbling down characters on a piece of paper but stopped abruptly when a knock came at the door.

"Who is it?" Hitsugaya half yawned.

"U-um… this is… uh… the, the local shinigami dating service!" The stroke Hitsugaya was applying onto the piece of paper nearly turned into a large blob when he heard the voice at the door. That was… Kurosaki's voice wasn't it? It sounded a little lower and exaggeratedly gruff, but that was DEFINITELY Kurosaki's voice. What the hell was he up to now?

"Kurosaki, what is it?" Hitsugaya replied flatly, obviously not entertained.

"W-w-w-w-what Kurosaki? I don't know any Kurosaki! AHAHAHAHAHA!" Hitsugaya twitched. His act was so obvious it was painful to listen to.

"E-either way, we're here for an appointment with Matsumoto, is she in there?" The supposed Ichigo asked.

A vein popped out of the young captain's head, "OBVIOUSLY she isn't here, cuz she was planning some crazy plot to destroy my sanity with you clowns just a moment ago!" Hitsugaya hissed, not loud enough for Ichigo to hear though. Ah, whatever, he'll just see what he wants before he jumps to any conclusions…

"No, she isn't," Hitsugaya replied flatly, continuing to scribble some characters on a piece of paper.

"Ahaha… well then, we'll just wait in here then…" he replied, almost immediately and opened the door.

Now, as we all know, Hitsugaya taichou has a reputation of being a very serious young taichou, but that reputation was almost broken when that door had opened.

It was very hard to not laugh at the sight, as a matter of fact. The white haired taichou had to cover mouth and pretend to yawn in order to cover himself up.

The orange haired shinigami wore a toothbrush-style mustache and large round glasses. There was a large rainbow spray-painted t-shirt and sagging blue overalls hanging over his shinigami outfit. He looked like he had dressed himself with his eyes closed.

And that wasn't the worst part. The person who was supposed to be Renji, who was standing next to him, was in an even more outrageous outfit. He also had a fake mustache except it was blonde and curled upward at the ends. He wore large dark shades and a blonde wig while some of his red hair was still visible under the wig. On top of that he wore a cowboy hat made of fake leather and was overdressed with various "western" trinkets, and he also had a whole cowboy suit to match it, his shinigami uniform still visible under it. The only thing that wasn't quite recognizable was a… horse?

"N-neigh…" the horse seemed to moan as Renji was sitting on it.

"Oi, be more enthusiastic!" Renji hissed at the horse.

"H-hai, n-neeeiiiiigghhh," the horse stammered.

Wait a moment. That voice sounded familiar. Hitsugaya squinted at the large gaping mouth and saw… HANATAROU?!

Hitsugaya sat there mouth slightly hanging open, eyebrow twitching, and stared at the duo that kept elbowing each other and saying 'shut up' or 'you shut up' and somewhere along the lines of that, Hanatarou being caught in the crossfire. After a few moments of hissing at each other, Ichigo cleared his throat and walked up to Hitsugaya who was resting his cheek in his palm and watching the trio rather not amused.

"Uh, hehe… I'm, uh, Ogihci, Ikasoruk Ogihci, and, uh… I'm Matsumoto's matchmaker!" 'Ogihci' then put his hands on his hips, "And, uh, I have finally found Matsumoto's ideal man!"

'Ogihci' motioned Renji to come over here, "Introduce yourself!"

"Oh, um… I'm, uh, Ijner, Iaraba Ijner, and uh, this is my horse, Uoratanah, Adamay Uoratanah! We come straight from America! Isn't that right Hanatar— I MEAN, UORATANAH! AHAHAHAHA!" 'Ijner' laughed quite exaggeratedly and kicked his horse, 'Uoratanah.' You'd think they'd come up with more creative names.

"N-neigh…" 'Uoratanah agreed weakly. 'Ijner' shot a glare at him and looked back at Hitsugaya and laughed.

"Ahaha… he's uh… a bit fatigued from jet lag! Yeah! Right Ichi— I MEAN, OGIHCI?" Ijner slapped 'Ogihci' on the back, causing his mustache to fall off and then he gave 'Ijner' a death stare, but poorly covered it up with a grin.

"Y-yeah…" Ogihci mumbled through gritted teeth and sloppily put his mustache back on.

Hitsugaya sighed and decided that at this rate there was no way to get them to admit who they actually were, so might as well play along.

"Ah, well Matsumoto isn't here right now, so you guys can just lea— "

"NO!" 'Ogihci' and 'Ijner' shouted out at the same time, even though 'Uoratanah' seemed to say yes, a swift kick from the supposed cowboy made him keep his mouth shut.

Hitsugaya was about to snap back, but then he shut his mouth and rubbed his temples. He really didn't feel like it today. After a few moments of tension, he sighed and gave in.

"Okay, have a seat over there, but BE QUIET okay? I'm working here…" Hitsugaya sluggishly picked up the brush again and dipped it in the ink. The brush seemed to get heavier every time he used it, and those three idiots weren't helping…

As Hitsugaya was cursing under his breath, he didn't notice a certain 'Ijner' taking a chair and sitting next to the young taichou.

"Soooo… your name's Hitsugaya…" 'Ijner' rested his elbow on the young captain's desk and batted his eyelashes. Not to mention that they were fake oversized BLONDE eyelashes…

While he rested his elbow on the young taichou's desk, he pointed at his hair.

"Hey, was your hair always white?" 'Ijner' flexed his muscles while pretending to be interested in the young taichou's hair. Hitsugaya didn't reply. Still writing, he felt his pen get heavier.

'Ijner' inched closer and Hitsugaya inched away farther. When they were at the point where the white haired taichou was 3/4 off of his chair, Hitsugaya pushed him off and shot him a death glare.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Hitsugaya resembled a cat puffing up its fur, except in this case it was a taichou puffing up his... hair?

"Oh, I'm sorry!" 'Ijner' apologized quite fakely and then whispered to 'Ogihci' a little too loudly, "He's the shy type!"

While 'Ijner' was gesticulating the situation to 'Ogihci,' 'Ogihci' was writing down what he was saying in a pad furiously. All while Hitsugaya, rather pissed off, and OBVIOUSLY able to hear every word they were saying, 'ACCIDENTALLY' spilled a bottle of ink on 'Ijner.'

"Oh, I'm sorry, my hand must have slipped, here, why don't I help you get a new change of clothes," Hitsugaya grinned while killing intent was literally leaking out of him.

'Ijner' froze and put up his hands and started to back away, "Ahaha, um, it's okay… I, uh, actually like this style, um, VERY MODERN! Yeah…"

"Oh NO! I couldn't let you go around in that FILTHY clothing, please, I INSIST. It'll only take a few MOMENTS to wash," he suddenly jumped onto a very-in-shock 'Ijner' and tried to take off the ink stained clothing.

"WAAUUGH! NOT SHY TYPE! NOT SHY TYPE!" 'Ijner' struggled to prevent the white haired taichou from ripping his mustache off. Surprisingly, the young taichou was pushed off quite easily. 'Ijner,' however, was too much in a panic to notice.

"ICHIGO! HE'S THE AGGRESSIVE TYPE! CODE ZEBRA! CODE ZEBRA!" And with that, Renji, Ichigo, and Hanatarou all threw off their costumes and ran out the door in their shinigami uniforms.

Hitsugaya saw the panicking trio one moment, and then after blinking all that was left were clouds of dust and a pile of outrageous costumes. Hitsugaya got up and looked and picked up some of the clothes. There were tags on all of them reading: 'UKITAKE'S CLOTHING RENTAL' with a little picture of a smiling chibi Ukitake-taichou with his fingers in a peace sign.

Yet again, another vein popped out of the young taichou's head. Why does that man ALWAYS have to be the source of these kinds of problems?! Hitsugaya gathered up all of the clothes into a bundle and put them on the couch.

"Might as well return them…" the young taichou sighed. After deciding to finish the rest of his paperwork first, he looked at his arm. There was a slight bruise starting to form from where Renji was trying to push him off. He cursed under his breath and covered it with his shinigami uniform's sleeve. Why the hell was he getting so WEAK?! He would punch the wall in frustration, but due to the fact that would probably form another bruise, he just started punching an innocent pillow on the couch, until another knock came from the door.

In his extremely pissed off mood, he marched up to the door and quite violently shoved the sliding door to the side.

"For crying out loud what do you want with me?! If it's the costumes you want they're lying one the couc— " Hitsugaya snapped but stopped himself when he saw the two at the door, "Oh… sorry, I mistook you two for someone else— "

Hitsugaya stopped in the middle of his sentence. Was that… MOMO?! And that other one seemed to be Kuchiki-taichou's little sister… but something was off… they were wearing normal shinigami outfits, but they were the male design… and what's with the turbans? Not to mention the mustaches too…

Hinamori coughed, "Oh, no, it's fine, it's fine…"

That was unusual. She sounded like she had a sore throat or something… just as the young taichou was about to ask if she was okay, Hitsugaya barely managed to hear Hinamori whisper to Rukia, "Looks like they failed," and then the two broke out into a fit of giggles.

"Oi… Momo… what are you doing here…" Hitsugaya sighed and mentally prayed to god that it they weren't part of the same scheme the supposed 'Ogihci' and 'Ijner' were a part of…

"Hm? Momo? Who's Momo?" At the brief reply, a vein popped out of the young captain's head, feeling a vague sense of déjà vu. Well… at least they are a little less obvious than the two previous idiots that were just here…

"Oh, I'm sorry, may I ask what is your name?" Hitsugaya went a little overboard on the politeness. He swore to god if they were going to just flip their names backwards he would frigging bang his head on the floor.

As the short taichou glared at the two, waiting for an answer, the two exchanged looks a little worriedly and seemed to panic for a moment, but regained their composure rather quickly.

"Ahem," Hinamori cleared her throat, "My name is uh… um… Hitsugaya!"

"…"

…The heavens hated him…

…The heavens DEFINITELY HATED HIM!!!! AND HE WAS IN HEAVEN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! The young, mentally spazzing taichou was currently tearing out his hair in his inner mind world. How the hell do they expect him to react?! HOW?!

He swore by the end of the day that his head would be just as bald as Madarame's…

After a few moments of mentally screaming at the unfairness of this world, he decided to come back to reality for a few moments, of course, until another act of complete idiocy sends him straight back to his accursed inner chamber of despair.

Despite all the torture the young taichou was going through mentally, his outer appearance had been grinning rather awkwardly for the whole 10 seconds that had passed in real time (even though it seemed like a few hundred years to him). Due to the fact that the person the white haired taichou was dealing with here was one of his ONLY childhood friends, or at least as he remembered his childhood… wait… now that you mention it… what was he doing before he met Hinamori?

The moment that one question echoed throughout his brain, he suddenly felt heart wrench and that ever familiar metallic taste of blood had reunited with his taste buds.

In a panic, he instinctively slapped his hand of his mouth. Hinamori, who was currently trying to find a follow up for the sudden claim that her name was Hitsugaya, looked up, or due to height differences, looked down at the young captain.

"O-oi… Shirou cha— I mean! Sir! Are, are you alright?" Hinamori covered up her slip up.

Hitsugaya mentally cursed at the horrible timing these cough attacks had. He shut his eyes and swallowed down the foul liquid, much to his stomach's discontent, and grinned.

"Ah, yea, I'm completely fine," the young taichou lied with a mask of pleasant expression on his face.

Hinamori seemed rather awkward at the sudden character change, after all, the Hitsugaya that she knew was an always scowling-occasionally smirking-eyebrows furrowed- serious taichou, and he NEVER would grin that straightforwardly at anyone. Rukia also seemed to have noticed the sudden change in personality too…

However, if they ask him what's wrong now, they're identities will be found out (even though the young taichou had already recognized their true identities in half a second, geez, it doesn't take a genius to notice… although Hitsugaya is a genius…) and that would make the RukiHina and the RenIchi (NOT YAOI OR YURI!!) group both fail…

However, actually failing wasn't the main problem here. Of course, Hinamori does truly want to confirm if her childhood friend was gay or not, and Rukia… uh… Rukia… um… well, Rukia wants to help Hinamori! Most likely… Or maybe she's just in it for the amusement of it all… but either way, the MAIN problem was that after both teams failed, the third party, Matsumoto will be back. And after Matsumoto is back, she'll SEE the results of their methods, laugh at them, and rub it in their faces. Finally, to top that all off, she most likely will use her godly ability to annoy-and-drive-mad-to-the-point-of-hair-turning-white-although-his-hair-is-already-white-taichou and ACTUALLY GET SOME ANSWERS OUT OF HIM.

And of course, neither Rukia nor Hinamori wants to face that humiliation. Therefore, on with the show!

Rukia coughed into her fist, "Um, we are new recruits for the 10th division and, er, we were told to come here to fill in some applications…" Rukia said in a "manly" tone.

"Oh, and, um, by the way…" Hinamori continued, "I heard that your name was also Hitsugaya, haha, what a coincidence!"

The young captain twitched. Coincidence? COINCIDENCE??!!! Fine then! He'll play along with this stupid game plotted by his who-knows-where-she-is-at-the-current-moment fukutaichou! And even though the young taichou wasn't the type to… how to put it… fight back against the female gender (proof being that Matsumoto's head isn't currently detached from her main body for dumping all her paperwork on him) something about his personality felt extremely… hmm… MERCILESS at the moment.

At that very moment, he stood up straight and a grin that usually is plastered on flight attendants with mannequin-like faces appeared on his.

"Ah, yes! That is quite a coincidence! I'm quite surprised! Oh, and I heard from the shinigami academy that you're name was Kuchiki Byakuya!" Hitsugaya turned and faced the caught off guard Rukia, "You know, the 6th division captain has the exact same name as you! Maybe you could go join his division instead."

Despite the happy-go-lucky welcoming tone the white haired captain used while greeting the two, the last sentence he spoke was soaked in killing intent.

And of course, being the shinigami they were, the other two 'Hitsugaya' and 'Byakuya' were able to very well sense that killing intent. But obviously due to reasons previously mentioned, they continued their little act.

"O-oh! I'm very, uh, honored to know, er, that you know my name, um, taichou… but, er, due to some circumstances, we are unable to join the any other divisions except the 10th divi—" before Rukia could finish her sentence she was cut off.

"Circumstances, eh? Actually, I just received a message that the 5th division is missing their fukutaichou and that the 13th division is also missing a shinigami named KUCHIKI RUKIA," he overly emphasized on that last name, "Oh, what a COINCIDENCE, you seem to be part of the same clan as her, you really do resemble her, how interesting that is~"

With that, the young taichou turned his back on the supposed new recruits and slammed the sliding door behind him. And due to his flickering mood, he even set up a barrier in order make sure no one else comes in. Even if the person isn't one of those that are trying to drive him out of his mind, he probably wouldn't be able to have a normal conversation with them without lashing out at them in his current state of mind.

"A-ano, Hitsugaya-taichou? Can you please let us in? Hitsugaya-taic— itai!" upon trying to open the sliding door, a small spark of electricity shocked her hand.

"He even set up a barrier?" Rukia whispered, quite surprised that he even went this far to keep them out.

Another point to bring up, when Hinamori was usually hurt, Hitsugaya would immediately ask if she was alright and try to support her, but right now, he didn't feel a shred of sympathy. He even felt bewildered himself, after all, he was the one who declared that whoever made Hinamori shed a drop of blood would die a slow and painful death by his hand… what happened to that over-protectiveness?

After the duo outside spent a few minutes of reviewing the situation, a sudden commotion was heard outside, but due to fatigue, Hitsugaya could only make out the voice of his fukutaichou and a few other shinigami with unrecognizable voices. Aw god, not now, PLEASE, he couldn't deal with this right after two servings of being-driven-to-the-point-of-insanity.

As if he had spoken of the devil, the sliding door suddenly exploded, revealing the usual overexposure of cleavage and the smell of sake.

"Taaaaaiiiiiccchhhhooooouuuuuu~~!!!!!" Matsumoto ran towards her captain at full speed and gave him a glomp that would send most men into a state of mind commonly known as 'perverted bliss,' symptoms being the reddening of the cheeks, the occasional nose bleed, and finally, the passing out of the male victim due to lack of oxygen. Of course, as usual, the young taichou had none of these symptoms.

"I'm baaaack~!" Matsumoto chimed in a sing-song voice while squeezing her taichou in a death grip joyfully.

"Matsumoto…" the young taichou growled rather dangerously, "Get… off… of… ME!"

Matsumoto jumped backwards gleefully, "Hey, taichou! You would NEVER guess what happened to me at Rukongai today! This girl, was smiling at me and talking to me, and she was being reeeeaaaal friendly," Matsumoto ignored her taichou's irritated expression and place her index finger on her lower lip, "Actually, I think she might of though I was GAY!"

Hitsugaya twitched a bit at the unusual statement, and cleared his throat, "So, why are you telling me this? Hm? Why should I care? I don't care." Hitsugaya brought his attention back to his paperwork.

"Aw, you don't have to get all defensive about it—" Matsumoto stuck out her lower lip.

"I AM NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE!" The young taichou snapped back, "Why do I care about some gay person you met, okay? I'm trying to finish, this paperwork! Not to mention the majority of this is actually supposed to be your paper wor— "

"Well I just thought it was something that we could talk about!" Matsumoto interrupted while crossing her arms.

"Well I don't want to talk about! Okay?! This conversation is over," the white haired taichou went back to scribbling characters onto a piece of paper.

"But taichou—"

"OVER!!" Hitsugaya didn't let Matsumoto finish her sentence.

As Hitsugaya was trying to concentrate on his paperwork once more, Matsumoto motioned silently for a group of nameless shinigami carrying various instruments to come in. She mouthed to them '5, 6, 5, 6, 7, 8" and they suddenly started playing a tune never heard before in Seireitei, catching the young taichou's attention. (A/N: DISCLAIMER: The following is a song called 'If You Were Gay' by Avenue Q, I DID NOT MAKE IT! If you wanna hear the song, look it up on YouTube or something)

"Okay taichou, but just so you know," there was an extremely suspicious grin on Matsumoto's face, "If you were gay~!"

The young taichou stared in confusion as his fukutaichou started singing to the music.

"That'd be okay!" Matsumoto continued, obviously enjoying this, "I mean cuz, hey!"

"I'd like you a-ny-way~!" She sung into a microphone that popped out of nowhere as Hitsugaya groaned, "Because you see~!"

Her faced popped up in front of the young captain, startling him and she continued singing, "If it were MEEEEEEE!"

"I would feel free to say that I was gay!" she then turned around and shook an index finger in her captain's face, "But I'm not gay."

"Matsumoto, please, I'm trying to finish this paperwork," Hitsugaya gritted his teeth. He noticed Matsumoto inspecting him, looking at him from different angles. A vein popped out of his head, "WHAT?!"

"If you were queer~!"

"Matsumoto!"

"I'd still be here~!" Matsumoto kept on singing.

"Matsumoto, I'm TRYING to finish this paperwork!" Hitsugaya protested.

"Year after yeaaaaar!" Matsumoto ignored him. "Because your dear to me~!"

"MATSUMOTO!"

"And I know that you~!" Matsumoto even started to dance in a drunk fashion a little.

"What?" Hitsugaya asked rather pissed off.

"Would accept me tooooooo!"

He rested his cheek in his palm and muttered, "I would?!"

"If I told you today, Hey, guess what? I'm gay!" She once again shook an index finger in her taichou's face, "But I'm not gay."

She started prancing around the room, "I'M HAPPYYYYYY JUST BEEEEIIING WITH YOOOUUUUU!"

"Paperworkpaperworkpaperwork…" the young taichou tried to revert his attention away from his singing fukutaichou.

"And what does it matter to me, what you do in bed with guys!" (A/N: queue the yaoi fangirls)

"MATSUMOTO! THAT IS WRONG!" Hitsugaya slammed his hands on the table and stood up.

"No it's not!" His fukutaichou replied drunkenly, "IF YOU WERE GAAAAAAAAY! I'D SHOUT HOORAY!"

"I'm not listening…" Hitsugaya tried to cover his ears and turn the other way.

"AND HERE I'D STAAAAAAAY!" Matsumoto's voice started to go off tune.

"Lalalalalalala!" Hitsugaya squeezed his eyes shut and tried to get rid of the accursed noise.

"BUT I WOULDN'T GET IN YOUR WAY!" Matsumoto shook her head.

"GAAAH!" the young taichou started yanking his own hair.

"YOU CAN COUNT ON MEEEEEE!!" Matsumoto suddenly slung an arm over her taichou's shoulder, "TO ALWAYS BEEEEEE!!!"

"BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY! TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY! YOU WERE JUST BORN THAT WAY! AND AS THEY SAY! IT'S IN YOUR DNA! YOU'RE GAAAAAAY!!!" She sung triumphantly into the microphone.

"I AM NOT GAY!!!!" Hitsugaya snapped back at his fukutaichou.

"If you WERE gay!" His fukutaichou smiled gleefully.

Then the music finally stopped, Matsumoto beaming with her hands on her hips.

"See guys, I told you he wasn't gay!" Matsumoto face the group of four standing outside of the office nervously, afraid of how the short-tempered taichou would react to her performance.

"Matsumoto…"

Everyone in the room froze. The shinigami that had been playing the background music were already long gone.

A bead of sweat dripped down the 10th division fukutaichou's cheek. She knew her taichou would be thoroughly pissed off after her little performance, but she didn't expect... she didn't expect THIS kind of reaction...

It was terrifying. Absolutely terrifying. It's like when someone is yelling at you in a hushed voice. It's a very hard thing to respond towards. He seemed tired, angry, frustrated, confused, all thrown together into one huge mass of negativity.

Matsumoto wore a nervous grin as she turned slowly and face her taichou, "Yes?"

They felt the temperature in the room drop several degrees and a thin layer of frost formed on all the surfaces of the room. But what was most bewildering was that… none of them could feel the young taichou's reiatsu. It didn't feel anything near reiatsu. It was like someone was contaminating the air with a gelatin like substance that felt cold to touch, but burned when it was inhaled.

Matsumoto gasped for air, one knee falling to the floor. It was cold, unbearably cold, but her lungs felt like they were on fire. She glanced back at the others. They were all in a similar condition.

The young captain's hair was covering his eyes, and Hyourinmaru was nowhere to be found.

"T-taichou?" Matsumoto managed to squeak out, lungs screaming for air.

He looked down at her, eyes dark and merciless. He knelt on one knee and grabbed her by the neck.

"Die."

***

A/N: Did the cliffy work? O.o… and I probably have to apologize for the late update again… I wrote like, 10% of this and then didn't work on it for months and then I finished the rest in like, 2 days XD either way, I was trying to make it seem like Hitsugaya wasn't himself, hope everyone realized that o.o

Oh, by the way, code zebra means bioterrorism alert and sometimes means harassment (I got this from wikipedia, so I'm not sure if it's completely accurate, but w/e OAO)

After writing a few more chapters of this and my other fanfic, I'm planning to post a Vocaloid story based on the Daughter of Evil series (Daughter of Evil; Servant of Evil; Message of Regret; Re_Birthday, Daughter of Vengeance; Prince of Blue; and Daughter of Green). I'll probably make a few changes for the sake of the plot though. If you don't know what it is, Google it, I don't feel like explaining anymore *o*.

Thanks for reading! Reviews extremely welcome! Even though I can't force you…


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